||[Jun. 11th, 2006|12:32 pm]
|||||Craig Mack - Flava in your ear||]|
it is easier to destroy than it is to create
thats been part of my problem. not enough in me to actually create something... only felt the need to destroy... but that changes. ive changed enough, ive got everything i need in front of me all the tools the space the love of an amazing woman... just needed that spark to ignite... fucking finally. it's back. the block has been chipped away.
now i can finally get some fucking work done...
my poor creative mind... it's been so sapped... now i feel like i can do what ive been needing to do all this time. write.
my zombie story has turned into a festering corpse on its own... now its time to make like frankenstein and give this fucker some life.
the new place is fucking amazing. so much space... this place is home. like really home. not like typical apartment home but like our place. i'll be glad to get into a routine regain some order to the disarray. been sooo incredibly busy, im only just now getting a chance to sit down and enjoy the apartment. not just in the few waking hours between the time im off work and the time im back on which had felt like none at all... get off work, work on the apartment, sleep a few hours, get up go back to work, get off work, move some more, do more stuff and more stuff sleep go to work, repeat. just enough time to sleep shower shave and maybe get something to eat. but finally having time to take in the surroundings has been so nice. especially leaving and coming back home. the view of the skyline is beautiful from my desktop. right now i see the full moon rising out of the clouds. just i have to get used to the idea of people living above us... every thump from above makes me jump and wonder... if we bother them or if they can smell my pot... i really cant wait to just live in this place, get high in it, fall asleep on the couch, watch tv, do stuff... new place!!! finally...
at one point this story would've ended.
we were outwright rejected from this place. it ended right there. that was the end of the road. there was no way out... that was it... if we didnt get a place here i didnt know what else we would've done. now were here and in a BETTER place than what we first saw.
things ended before they could begin too... poor mixie... my poor baby girl. she didnt make the trip. my poor little leopard gecko... i loved her. it killed me when i realized she wasnt moving. she got to see the place once then she was gone. *sniff* *tears up* i didnt want to let that part of me go. sure i could live without the chair, but my Fucking gecko... no i wasnt. i buried her today. i let her go. god a part of me died with her. glen pointed out something that made me cry like a little girl, there was a heart shape on her snout. shes with dad and the rest of them. better her go peacefully then the cat get her. but still...
it was the end of one era in my life and the beginning of a new.
i work right across the street. thats so nice. so much more time to sleep. less travel time... but ergo less exercise hence i need to join a gym.
we get a kittie soon too. little ahnnie. a cute little black kitty who likes to talk. i truly will be shadow jerusalem... complete with cat and cute filthy assistant (in the most loving sense of the word). my little reality. i like it here. a life begins here and now. a job. a girl. a place. a pet.
this block. i cut my teeth on it. i teethed on the concrete. at first it didnt give. something had to give. come hell or high water i needed through. needed to see through to the other side. i made it. feel like i stared into the abyss, jumped in and swam in it for awhile now im out. out of that numb grey hell. feeling alive again. time to get busy living again.
but goddammit do i have to get up and make soup tomorrow morning? i mean shit seriously... 6:30am is for the fucking birds and the morning people... sure if I stayed up til 630 sure... but get up and work... bah... but its what foots the bills... til the writing pays off... lord knows this shit im writing now couldnt... or could it? anyone who thinks i could make money off this somehow give me a fucking clue here... PLEASE. ASPIRING WRITER NEEDS A CLUE!
ah well... as the good doctor always said... buy the ticket, take the ride... peace, sayonara, vaya con dios, mahalo... good night farewell and adieu.